“If I had a quarter for every time I said I had a nickel, I would have five times as much theoretical money” -Stephen Colbert

“Laying out a rational, well reasoned argument to an average American is like wearing a condom while eating at Burger King – it’s ineffectual and makes everyone present confused and lose their appetites” –cracked.com

“Half the people in the world are below average.”

“To cease smoking is the easiest thing. I ought to know. I’ve done it a thousand times.” -Mark Twain

“A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.”


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